so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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