I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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