So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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