how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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