we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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