my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
