and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
