I think I won the penis lottery.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize