addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I met the friendliest cop last night
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
a search helicopter?!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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