I just pynch a tree in the face
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
