Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
