let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
