Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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