census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
