you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize