return my video game
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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