I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
