can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
