I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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