Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
