My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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