There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
