I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
