I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
