I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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