I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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