haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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