My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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