I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
