please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Fuck appropriateness.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
