Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
