boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
