That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
