You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
