I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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