im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
