That's intense
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
