All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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