sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
