party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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