I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
