im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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