The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
