I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
