I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Randomize
