I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
