Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
