I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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