dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He better not be in your backpack
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
be right there i have to get my cape
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
