Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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