found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
