Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he fucked my hip out of place.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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