I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
