your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize