No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Still dying that you shit outside
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
