One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
