i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
No stitches, just platelets and will power
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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