it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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