Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
