You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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