Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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