it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize