I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
