When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
