Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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