In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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