your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
