God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
