I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
