new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
