butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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