I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
